When you find yourself thinking such things as “I’ll never make it on my own“ or “My kids will never be the same” or “My ex will turn them all against me,” you can change those thoughts to secure ones like “I am a person of worth and capability” and “I still have the power to influence and nurture relationships with my children.”
Even if you can’t make yourself believe them immediately, in time, thinking more securely will come more naturally and sincerely. (As the old saying goes, you can “fake it until you make it.”)
Because you always have the power to act, the most important aspect of empowering your life is to do something, anything, differently from what you might have done before out of fear or insecurity. But don’t take action in anticipation of the outcome. You don’t have power over outcomes — that’s in God’s hands--but you always have the power to do.
When you afford appropriate recognition to your choices, act in good faith and in accordance with your principles, and most importantly reinforce yourself (give yourself an internal pat-on-the-back for doing the right thing), you become steadily stronger. Only a strong, confident, principled person can effectively parent a child looking for direction.
Model Desired Behavior for Your Children
Although you can’t possibly have power over outcomes or other people, you have an incredible power to influence--not only the power but also the duty to exemplify and model healthy, appropriate, principled behavior to your children. Whether you think your example is having an effect or not, make no mistake, your children will be watching and observing your conduct.
That doesn’t mean your children will always be in a mental or emotional place to fully take to heart or use the lessons you try to teach them to shape their own character, but they’re watching nonetheless and taking mental notes.
While you can’t control the outcomes you desire, you’re obliged to set the example and to advance the principles in which you truly believe.