Why Me? How To Avoid A Toxic Relationship

If an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, how can you avoid getting into a toxic relationship (Pathological Love Relationship) in the first place?

Unfortunately, you probably can’t. Because these people are charming, usually quite attractive, smart and highly practiced manipulators. If one targets you—no matter your economic, cultural, racial, intellectual or any other station in life—you will likely fall for them.

However, there are things you can do to minimize your vulnerability and step away from the relationship sooner rather than later.

Protecting Yourself 

In the early stages of dating:

1. Don’t reveal too much about yourself too quickly.
2. Take it slowly, don’t loosen your boundaries too soon and watch for their reactions when you put on the brakes.
3. Trust and honor your intuition!

In addition, look for these 15 early tip-offs—called Red Flags. And don’t dismiss them when you see them:

1. Overly charming…do they feel like a soulmate?
2. “Love Bombing” – Are they “too good to be true”? Are you hearing: “You’re the One I’ve looked for my entire life!”
3. Blaming others…for everything from their life circumstances to why they are late for a date; not accepting responsibility for their role in past relationship failures; calling their ex “crazy.”
4. Jealousy
5. Lying
6. They admit to spying on their ex on social media or worse. This is a sign of a need for control.
7. Disrespect of normal boundaries
   1. Coming over without notice
   2. Reading private mail
   3. Using your computer or phone without first getting permission
   4. Not taking “no” for an answer
8. Moving the relationship forward fast—pushing for early sex, professing “I love you” within the first couple of months, proposing marriage right away.
9. Demonstrating a sense of ownership of you
10. Rudeness to others – wait staff, etc.
11. Low self-esteem, especially with evidence that they put others down to make themselves feel adequate
12. Lack of empathy – this can be faked, especially in the beginning, but take note if they don’t seem to have feelings about other people or animals being hurt or if they seem disinterested, puzzled, irritated or critical when you express hurt feelings.
13. Signs they think they’re better than other people
14. Bored easily or impulsive
15. Withholding information about their finances while demonstrating strong curiosity about yours or shaming you for not divulging personal information

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